Content in partnership with KQED

Embracing Gender Nonconformity in the Age of Trump

01.12.17
Embracing Gender Nonconformity in the Age of Trump

After Donald Trump was elected president, Desmond Meagley decided to amplify his non-binary gender presentation. (Photo credit: Brett Myers/ Youth Radio)

As I gear up for Donald Trump’s inauguration next week, I’m flashing back to the morning after Election Day. My rage, sadness, and apprehension blurred together into an emotional tidal wave.

I wanted to cry, but instead I reached for a tube of liquid eyeliner.

This was unusual for me. I came out as transgender at 14 and until very recently I’ve been terrified of not passing as male. I used to bind my chest so tightly it hurt my ribs. I wore layers of clothing to disguise my body shape and shoes with huge lifts hidden in them to make me look taller. I avoided makeup and ‘girly’ outfits even if I thought they looked nice. And I laughed when my straight cis friends made sexist or transphobic jokes.

I believed that being totally stealth and assimilating into masculinity would allow me to lead a normal and happy life. But all it did was force me to keep hiding. I was holding myself to a standard I didn’t actually believe in. Coloring within lines that don’t exist.

Makeup usually made me feel uncomfortable. But the morning after Donald Trump won the election, I stared at the black war paint around my eyes and I felt strong, defiant, and free.

Being stealth kept me safe. But now I want my queerness to be seen, or else discrimination will go unseen. I don’t care if my nonbinary identity isn’t “normal” enough for people to easily understand. “Normal” in our society is misogyny and queerphobia; the election just made that more apparent than ever.

This year, the Republican Party’s official platform took some of the most anti-LGBTQ positions in its history. The platform represents the agenda of the party that now controls the House, Senate, and the White House.

I can’t predict exactly what the Trump presidency has in store for me. But on the morning of his inauguration, I’ll be preparing for battle–and eyeliner is just the beginning.

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